do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
