I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
