Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Shame is for Republicans.
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