She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
