The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Randomize
