I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
