I think my fart just growled at me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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