Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
