Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
