i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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