The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
