the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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