I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
