My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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