so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
