chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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