If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
