I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
