At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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