Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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