We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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