To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
