life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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