Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
