Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
