I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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