We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
