So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
