apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize