He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
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i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
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id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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