Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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