after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
