Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
