I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize