ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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