At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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