yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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