i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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