How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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