Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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