Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
