i think my mom watched the whole time
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
