You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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