You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize