'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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