That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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