My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
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