True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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