I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
me + whiskey = a bad person
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
