i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
