i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I was not drunk enough for that final.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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