I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize