are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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