Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
