I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
