The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize