it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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