my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize