i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
