i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
