We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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