just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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