I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
