And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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