Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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