I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
